I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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