my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
