I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
