Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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