I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
