They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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