Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight