mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.