I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later