Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's shark week go big or go home
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer