You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.