proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
