Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
