And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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