i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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