if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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