We're like a lot better than the average bears
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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