I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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