Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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