I want to stick my p in your. b.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
