Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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