that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
