And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
