she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
