I think my vagina is haunted
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize