Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
