she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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