So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
