After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
