I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
