I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
