Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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