It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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