I love black thongs
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
