you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
