I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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