So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
