STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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