I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
