So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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