I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
