OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
