i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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