I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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