ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He has the fingertips of a God
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
