I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
