I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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