kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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