i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
