so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
