man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
