At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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