She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's the barista slut.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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