dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
