im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
