bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
