I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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