Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
