i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She announced her abortion via fbk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
