bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
