i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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