We need to rekindle our bromance
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
