Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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