Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
