And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
