just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
