i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
