i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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